Posted by January Harshe on June 24, 2009
So, I am tired (of course). For now you will have to do with our Facebook Updates. LOL. I will come back soon and write the birth story! Amazing!!!
January:
I DID IT! Had an UNASSISTED HOME BIRTH this morning!!!!!!! We had a sweet baby girl, who weighs in at about 9 lbs. I am in shock and thrilled. I’ll post the birth story on my blog soon! Thanks everyone for the amazing amount of support, love and prayers…I needed and appreciate them all!
Brandon:
FINALLY!!! January gave birth to a 9 lb baby girl at 4:50 am this morning… no MD, no midwife, no nurse, no doula, no hospital, no epidural, no pitocin, no fears, nothing!. All natural, no interference by anyone or anything. Amazing what happens when you trust in the innate intelligence of the human body. I am in awe…
Posted by January Harshe on June 19, 2009
I had someone suggest to me that I plan something as if I’m not pregnant. Like, really plan it down to the details. I said I’d go on a trip with my husband. He said plan it…now! Forget about the birth, put all your energy into planning this trip. Well, I kinda planned two!
We are going away this weekend to see a very good friend of mine who I have not seen in nine years! We talk daily (usually on Facebook…lol) and I miss her. I can not wait to see her and her family. I haven’t met her sweet two year old son yet and she can meet my children as well!
I don’t think many women would take a weekend trip at 42 weeks pregnant! Why not though? I don’t have to be close to an OB or a midwife. No one is pressuring me to induce (natural remedies or not). No one is ‘dropping me’ from care. There isn’t anyone I am allowing to put fears into my mind about it. So, we are packing up and heading out this afternoon! Brandon is totally up for it to. Something other than chiropractic and birth!
So, I’ll pack a bag of birth supplies, let go of the birth even happening and enjoy my weekend with a beautiful friend! Ahhhh…the perks of an unassisted birth! I am ecstatic, because this is so me…to do something spontaneous and crazy. I hope you all have a great weekend as well! When I get back I’ll let you know about mini trip number two.
Posted by January Harshe on June 17, 2009
Last Saturday night I had another birth dream. It was actually fantastic, but there was a part of it that made me dig deeper.
In my dream we had a successful unassisted birth. We were in our apartment and it was so clear. It was just Brandon an myself. The parts about the dream that had me excited were that we had a successful unassisted birth, we had a beautiful baby boy who I saw in detail and there was so much support and love from friends and family. It was very exciting and encouraging!
After waking up and processing the dream further, I realized there was something off. As I was birthing my baby (in the dream), I checked out. At the moment the baby was making its presence into this world and during all the afterbirth, I was passed out in the dream. Brandon had to take care of it all. After the birth, when I came to, I had to ask Brandon the details of what happened, because I missed it all. He told me how and when the placenta was birthed, how he cut and tied of the cord and etc. I told him in my dream that even though that was not ideal, I was so happy he was there because I knew he did everything how I would want him to. Then, I met my baby boy. It was kind of cute because then we weighed him and he was 10 pounds!!!
Why would I not be present for that part of my birth in my dream? After thinking through it, discussing it with my amazingly supportive husband and a really good cry, I realized it was because of the birth trauma from my last 2 births. Birth trauma is real. I don’t think most women (or our society for that matter) either know or recognize it.
With my last pregnancy and birth, I was strong and determined to have a vaginal birth after my previous two c-sections. I labored at home for a very long time. There were many factors as to why I went to the hospital. I won’t get into that now. The point is that my control was stripped from me. Everything was a fight. I was not ‘allowed’ to squat to birth like I wanted, I was threatened with a c-section, I was treated like I didn’t have any say in how I wanted to birth.
The CNM showed up during crowing and started meddling and interfering. She pulled on my baby and helped me tear horribly. The room turned into chaos. There was no place for my husband in the process. Yes, I birthed vaginally. Yes, that was amazing. However, it was masked by the nurses being rough with my baby, with being hooked up to pitocin after the birth without my permission, with the CNM pulling out my placenta and making me bleed out, not to mention the poking and prodding that then occurred for 2 days on my sweet baby.
This was all followed up by a visit from social services because as the CNM put it, “I was making her tired”. Poor thing…she had educated patients that had an opinion and wanted to be informed. The success of our VBA2C was stripped away. I was left with serious birth trauma. I was paranoid about the social services incident (which they of course walked out of the room thinking the whole thing was ridiculous after talking for a few minutes). It left its mark.
With my second birth, my son was taken from me after the c-section. Brandon had to finally put his foot down and tell the nursery nurses after hours that he was taking our baby to his mother! I kept waking up in my room alone and drugged and yelling out, “Where is my baby?!” My son and I had attachment issues for weeks. Through love, co-sleeping, baby wearing and time, luckily that is no longer an issue.
So, I can clearly see why after my birth in my dream I ‘check out’. It’s always been very traumatic for me. Brandon and I discussed all this in detail yesterday and he helped me to realize many things. First of all, I did things perfect. My body did things perfect. Even through everything, I birthed my baby vaginally after 2 cesareans and on my back in a hospital! It was all the outside interference that was the problem. With this birth, there will be NO INTERFERENCE. There won’t be anyone to tell me how how I can or can not do things. No one to poke and prod. No one to try and take control.
Also, I am not a victim and I need to stop being one. Only I can make myself the victim. I am the one that allows others to take control or hurt me.
Brandon also helped me remember that this is my past. It is my thoughts keeping this alive in my present. Those experiences are not happening now. This is a different pregnancy and different birth and I have a say how this goes! I can not live in the future either. There is only NOW! My main fear that I had left to work through in this unassisted pregnancy was the fear that for some reason I would end up back at the hospital. That I would go through this abuse again. Brandon asked me if I knew that could be true and I could only answer, “NO.” There is no way to know that. Why would I need to go to the hospital? As of now, I don’t! Right now, everything is perfect!
I am a perfect daughter of God. It is Satan who wants me to believe otherwise…he wants me to fail. I can choose to have faith, to know my body can birth perfectly with no interference. I know that I am surrounded by all the love and support I need. My birth trauma, while it is real, does not need to be part of this experience. I am blessed to have this opportunity and a wonderful husband to share it with.
