Being Right: It Won’t Make You Popular

Posted by Brandon Harshe on January 10, 2008

My last post really garnered quite a response from one particular reader. I made some statements about some things that this reader didn’t agree with or felt that I was wrong about and let me know. I responded that this reader was the wrong one, and this began a chain reaction of back-and-forth nitpicking. It was getting to the point where we started sniveling about how each person worded something in particular or what they really meant or blah, blah, blah.

I finally realized that we were both attempting to be right, and that proving the other person wrong wasn’t going to endear us to one another.

I recently read How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie. One of the cardinal sins mentioned in that book is trying to prove you’re right. No one wants to be around someone that always wants to be right. When you have to prove that your stance on a certain issue is the right one, all that does is make the other person defensive. And trying to get anywhere with a person already on the defense is a tough task.

Chuck Gallozzi said it perfectly in his article Being Right:

"There are many reasons to give up our addiction to being ‘right.’ First, consider what we are doing when we make pronouncements that you are either for me or against me, or that it’s my way or the highway, or that I’m ‘right ’ and you’re ‘wrong.’ Aren’t we being arrogant, combative, self-righteous, presumptuous, judgmental, narrow-minded, and alienating? Aren’t such attitudes divisive and dysfunctional? Don’t they disrupt harmony and peace and lead to conflict and suffering?"

We all want to be right at some point or another. I would say it’s one of my worst traits. Just ask January. She will gladly tell you how annoying I can be sometimes. Heck, it even annoys me at times… like with the example I gave at the beginning.

What does being right have to do with a blog about health and losing weight? When you are focused on getting healthier and/or losing weight, it’s good to have a support system you can count on to assist you through the difficult times. If you are someone who needs to be right all the time, your support will quickly dwindle because people don’t want to be around someone they always have to be on the defensive with.

In the long run, does it really matter if I think MSG is dangerous and you don’t? Or if I co-sleep with my kids and you don’t? Or if I you vaccinate your kids, but I don’t? Or if you enjoy smoking, but I can’t even stand a whiff of that stuff?

Perception may be everything, but only you can perceive things the way you do. We each have our own life experiences that lead us to the beliefs we have. Tearing someone down from their beliefs only to prop yourself up with correct facts is no way to be. That is, unless you want to be lonely.

I truly believe that’s something we can all take to heart.

Me included.