Posted by January Harshe on May 20, 2009
I think this is normal no matter what kind of birth you are planning. I had a very intense week (last week) of nesting that ended in me having an overwhelming feeling that this baby is going to be here very soon.
It was a hard week to go through these emotions (both mentally and physically). Brandon had part lV boards. Our week revolved around this test(s). He had to be studying and it seems like it’s all we talked about! In the meantime I moved our whole apartment, threw out a bunch of crap and reorganized. I didn’t ask help with anything because I knew what he had on his plate and I wanted to be supportive. By this last weekend I was exhausted. Instead of being able to focus on what I wanted to, I was a single mom. That is what did me in.
Monday morning I let it all out (at Brandon of course). Tons of feelings coming up and out (at him). It all ended with me in a panic with some hardcore sobbing and not able to catch my breath (in the bathroom of course…I am always crying and praying in the bathroom)! I realized it all came down to me having an overwhelming feeling of the birth being right here. I can feel it in my soul. It is so close. I am not nervous about anything specific. Just overall. I felt like there are things I still needed to do to prepare (and needed Brandon to do now that our whole lives don’t revolve around his school).
After a good prayer and talking to my hubby more, I feel much better. We were able to connect and get to the core of what I was truly feeling. It has taken the past 3 days to get to this point. I need to hear how Brandon is feeling about the birth as well. I need to know why he is confident, what his vision of our birth is and his faith in me. I need him to get on a soap box with me and talk about how birth is in our country and how we want it to be for us. I need all of this from him and with him, because it is the only thing I have to deflect everything else that is coming at me surrounding birth.
I think most people mean well. They talk about their births, their fears, ask me questions, give opinions and tell of birth stories or things going wrong. I filter as much as I can, but it is EVERYWHERE and in EVERYONE. What is ‘it’ I am talking about? FEAR, misguidance, not being educated on choices, little faith in the body of a women and the birth process. I don’t think people necessarily see it as these things, but they all come down to one of them (mostly fear). I can recognize and appreciate everyone being on their own journey. However, I need my way to not let it effect me. This is where I need my husband.
After us talking, yelling, crying and talking more, we got to the bottom of this. Brandon doesn’t feel he needs to read any books to know me. I need to know that he feels this way! I need him to answer me with more than “Fine” or “I have confidence in you” when I ask about our upcoming birth. What I need to hear is what he told me today (I won’t go into detail, but it was amazing). It was a heartfelt testimony of his faith in me and birth. He shared how he envisioned our birth in detail. He went on to talk about birth in our country, his feelings about it and how we are going to have an amazing experience that most unfortunately do not have. These things are my shield, my support, and what I need right now! Thank you honey for finally ‘getting it’. Stay on your soap box, because I am listening! It’s you and me babe.
Posted by January Harshe on April 29, 2009
This post is not a rant or educational (or maybe it will be to someone). It is just a post about a little of this and a little of that.
I am 34 weeks pregnant now and am FINALLY in the place I have been struggling to get to for the last…oh, 34 weeks! I feel wonderful about being pregnant, I am definitely more in tune, I am eating how I feel best and I am ready to birth this baby!
I am in a mode right now where I am ready to get everything prepared and ready for my birth and I want my house clean at ALL times. Some may refer to this behavior as nesting. It is bad though. If there is any clutter or dirty dishes or toys out, I tell my husband, “I don’t want to live like white trash, I need this clean!”. LOL. Somehow I have equated a little mess with living like white trash. Ya, I am hormonal.
We are going to be taking a CPR/Neonatal resuscitation class and ordering a few birth supplies soon. Oh, and I am going to be getting maternity pictures this time. I am very excited about that. I will of course share.
I am really feeling that I am going to have this baby between 38-40 weeks. Now, if you know me, this is almost ridiculous. Laughable, really. I had my last baby VBA2C at 43 weeks and 6 days and my 2nd baby at 42 weeks! The main reason I am feeling I will not go so far post dates is because I am so mentally sound and ready to have this baby at home with just myself and my husband present. I have let go of all fears. I have faith that this is going to be a beautiful, healing experience.
Now, on one hand I hesitate to make that claim. I know mothers who say they thought they were going to have their baby “early” and then go ‘late’. We all cook our babies different and each baby comes when he or she is ready. So, in that sense there is no late or early. This baby will come when he or she is in perfect health to meet us! On the other hand, I can be very in tune, so we’ll see what happens!
About Braxton Hicks contractions. Also referred to as practice contractions or false labor, etc. They really are none of the above in my opinion. I refer to them as “tightenings” and I LOVE them! They let me know my uterus and body are exercising and getting ready to help assist my baby in coming earthside. Also, they are mentally preparing me for birth.
I have been reading Hypnobirthing. Brandon is now reading it as well. I’ll have another post dedicated to this book. But for now, I just want to say that I use my tightenings as an opportunity to relax. I truly feel my last two labors were so long and painful ( 72 and 54 hours active labor) because of 2 reasons. First is fear. Second is tensing up and fighting my body in what it is trying to do best…birth a baby! Contractions are associated with fear and pain in our country. I had the hardest time just relaxing and letting go.
So, even when I get these practice tightenings, my first thought is pain. Tense up January, oh that hurts. Now that I know more and have let go of fears and misconceptions of what birth ’should be’, I just breathe through them and enjoy them. Sometimes my whole belly gets tight. Other times I feel it in my ligaments. My body is awesome and it is working with my baby already!
I am curious to see if these tightenings turn into a more regular prodromal labor at some point. I had this with my last baby for about a week. That can be a little more tiring as they can be a tad bit more intense and regular. I know many mamas who can experience this for weeks! I hope that this time, if I am to experience prodromal labor, I can continue loving the process and letting go.
One other thing to mention. There is one part of me I am looking forward to having back after I have this baby and that is my amazing patience. This pregnancy and my last have been hard for me when it comes to being patient with my children. I know it’s hard on them too, because they are used to a very laid back mommy. I have very high expectations of what I should be like as a parent and it kills me when I do not feel I am living up to that. So, that is the only thing that I am wishing were different. I’ll take it though. I have a beautiful family, a healthy pregnancy and a wonderful birth to look forward to!
