Posted by January Harshe on June 17, 2009
Last Saturday night I had another birth dream. It was actually fantastic, but there was a part of it that made me dig deeper.
In my dream we had a successful unassisted birth. We were in our apartment and it was so clear. It was just Brandon an myself. The parts about the dream that had me excited were that we had a successful unassisted birth, we had a beautiful baby boy who I saw in detail and there was so much support and love from friends and family. It was very exciting and encouraging!
After waking up and processing the dream further, I realized there was something off. As I was birthing my baby (in the dream), I checked out. At the moment the baby was making its presence into this world and during all the afterbirth, I was passed out in the dream. Brandon had to take care of it all. After the birth, when I came to, I had to ask Brandon the details of what happened, because I missed it all. He told me how and when the placenta was birthed, how he cut and tied of the cord and etc. I told him in my dream that even though that was not ideal, I was so happy he was there because I knew he did everything how I would want him to. Then, I met my baby boy. It was kind of cute because then we weighed him and he was 10 pounds!!!
Why would I not be present for that part of my birth in my dream? After thinking through it, discussing it with my amazingly supportive husband and a really good cry, I realized it was because of the birth trauma from my last 2 births. Birth trauma is real. I don’t think most women (or our society for that matter) either know or recognize it.
With my last pregnancy and birth, I was strong and determined to have a vaginal birth after my previous two c-sections. I labored at home for a very long time. There were many factors as to why I went to the hospital. I won’t get into that now. The point is that my control was stripped from me. Everything was a fight. I was not ‘allowed’ to squat to birth like I wanted, I was threatened with a c-section, I was treated like I didn’t have any say in how I wanted to birth.
The CNM showed up during crowing and started meddling and interfering. She pulled on my baby and helped me tear horribly. The room turned into chaos. There was no place for my husband in the process. Yes, I birthed vaginally. Yes, that was amazing. However, it was masked by the nurses being rough with my baby, with being hooked up to pitocin after the birth without my permission, with the CNM pulling out my placenta and making me bleed out, not to mention the poking and prodding that then occurred for 2 days on my sweet baby.
This was all followed up by a visit from social services because as the CNM put it, “I was making her tired”. Poor thing…she had educated patients that had an opinion and wanted to be informed. The success of our VBA2C was stripped away. I was left with serious birth trauma. I was paranoid about the social services incident (which they of course walked out of the room thinking the whole thing was ridiculous after talking for a few minutes). It left its mark.
With my second birth, my son was taken from me after the c-section. Brandon had to finally put his foot down and tell the nursery nurses after hours that he was taking our baby to his mother! I kept waking up in my room alone and drugged and yelling out, “Where is my baby?!” My son and I had attachment issues for weeks. Through love, co-sleeping, baby wearing and time, luckily that is no longer an issue.
So, I can clearly see why after my birth in my dream I ‘check out’. It’s always been very traumatic for me. Brandon and I discussed all this in detail yesterday and he helped me to realize many things. First of all, I did things perfect. My body did things perfect. Even through everything, I birthed my baby vaginally after 2 cesareans and on my back in a hospital! It was all the outside interference that was the problem. With this birth, there will be NO INTERFERENCE. There won’t be anyone to tell me how how I can or can not do things. No one to poke and prod. No one to try and take control.
Also, I am not a victim and I need to stop being one. Only I can make myself the victim. I am the one that allows others to take control or hurt me.
Brandon also helped me remember that this is my past. It is my thoughts keeping this alive in my present. Those experiences are not happening now. This is a different pregnancy and different birth and I have a say how this goes! I can not live in the future either. There is only NOW! My main fear that I had left to work through in this unassisted pregnancy was the fear that for some reason I would end up back at the hospital. That I would go through this abuse again. Brandon asked me if I knew that could be true and I could only answer, “NO.” There is no way to know that. Why would I need to go to the hospital? As of now, I don’t! Right now, everything is perfect!
I am a perfect daughter of God. It is Satan who wants me to believe otherwise…he wants me to fail. I can choose to have faith, to know my body can birth perfectly with no interference. I know that I am surrounded by all the love and support I need. My birth trauma, while it is real, does not need to be part of this experience. I am blessed to have this opportunity and a wonderful husband to share it with.
Posted by January Harshe on June 15, 2009
Recently I was called a hypocrite.
Let’s start with the definition of a hypocrite according the the Webster Dictionary online:
1 : a person who puts on a false appearance of virtue or religion
2 : a person who acts in contradiction to his or her stated beliefs or feelings
— hypocrite adjective
For number one: I am who I am and what you see is what you get. Also, my religious beliefs are pretty clear. I am LDS.
Let’s move on to number 2 then, shall we? Let me state my beliefs. Maybe I haven’t been clear enough in my blog posts. I am going to state my beliefs on health care, since that is what has been attacked.
I believe that the allopathic model of medicine can and does save lives. I believe that it is and only should be used for emergency care. Further more, I believe there are other ways that we can take care of our bodies, prevent disease and live a healthy lifestyle. I feel that these things will keep myself and my family from needing allopathic remedies most of (if not all of) the time.
I will give a little run down of the the main things I believe will help my family. First and most important in my opinion is chiropractic care. What I am referring to is the absence of any subluxations, especially at the atlas (C1). I truly believe that without nerve interference our bodies can function in amazing ways. I do believe that this needs to be as specific as possible. You can read more about Upper Cervical Chiropractic at Brandon’s blog.
Other things I believe help more to heal the body than drugs and surgery are nutrition (hands down and this is probably a whole other post) and other natural remedies such as sleep, and using things such as aloe vera and colloidal silver. For example, if my baby starts to show signs of a little diaper rash, I put on some olive oil and within 1 diaper change we are all cleared up! These things are not as easy as popping a pill. They require responsibility, not looking outward, but inward and not being a victim.
If one of my children get sick, I actually get excited. They rarely do, so when it does happen I think it’s great that their body is having a chance to build its natural immunities! Our oldest used to get ear infections when swimming. She’d get them often and sometimes in both ears. Every single time, she needed her atlas adjusted and every single time after the adjustment and a little rest the infections cleared up within hours (at least the painful symptoms). The only other things we have used to help fight ear infections are blessings/prayer when really bad and some garlic oil. We never freaked out and ran to a doctor to get antibiotics. We let her body do what it does best. We removed interference and let it do it’s job.
Now, if I was a hypocrite, I’d be talking about all of my opinions on health care and then running to an MD or hospital the minute we get sick, right? I don’t. I practice what I preach. Always. I don’t tell others what to do. I don’t force my views on other moms and dads. My biggest issue is about being self educated and making decisions that is best for you (and your family’s) health. Not freaking out, getting scared and making decisions based on fear or because someone else told you that you have to do it their way or else (fill in the blank).
How does this apply to birth? Am I a hypocrite because I have stated that if something does go terribly wrong (which it won’t) that I will go to the hospital? I thought I have made it clear that I am practicing what I preach. I do not believe birth is a disease. I believe it is normal and beautiful. I believe God created my body to birth a baby perfectly. I know that I can have a safe birth at home without intervention and giving up control to someone I barely know. I believe that hospitals are for EMERGENCIES.
So, if I believe that, then wouldn’t I only go in the case of an emergency? Is that me being a hypocrite? If I have so clearly stated that the allopathic model of medicine and hospitals can save lives and is for emergencies only and if I only use it for those rare cases, then I am no hypocrite. I am strong in my beliefs and doing what I say I believe in. Period.
I have practiced the type of health for my children that I have stated. None of them have ever had an antibiotic, none of them have ever had over the counter medicine (with the exception of infant tylenol with my first a few times). My youngest 2 have never needed to see a pediatrician. Their primary care provider has and always will be a chiropractor. If an emergency came up, I would take them to see someone my husband and I feel we may need help from.
Someone accused me of teaching my kids “this garbage!” I laugh at that. My kids have no interference in their bodies. They are healthy and happy. They don’t have side effects from medications, they don’t get whatever ‘bug’ is going around at the time. It’s phenomenal. They are blessed to have informed parents who take the time to care for them the way we do! My husband had to explain to our 5 year old what diarrhea was for goodness sakes. She had no clue. None of our children have had it. When one of them has ever had to throw up or they have a little fever, they think, “Hey, that is great! Our bodies are doing what they need to.” What an amazing mindset to grow up with!
I love my children dearly. I want what is best for them just like every other mom. For me, that is taking the time to educate myself on what is best for their bodies. It is me being responsible for their health. It is us staying away from shots and drugs and trusting that God make their little bodies perfect, especially when there is no interference. Also, it is recognizing that we are blessed to live in a country with great emergency care in the case of an emergency only!
Yep, that is where I stand and that is me practicing what I preach.
Posted by January Harshe on June 9, 2009
I am officially ‘due’. I am in my 40th week. Now, this is no surprise to me. I birthed my son in my 42nd week of pregnancy and my last baby was born via VBA2C at almost 44 weeks.
The only thing that is tiring is I am having a lot of warm up stuff and nothing ‘active’ yet. That gets old. But, I am grateful for it. I know my body is getting ready for a great birth!
So, because I am tired and very pregnant, I am going to direct you to read about why due dates are a lie here! (thanks Jen B.) It’s a short article that explains how the ‘due date’ came about and why it is so not accurate! Enjoy!
