Why We Are Choosing To Have An Unassisted Pregnancy And Childbirth

Posted by January Harshe on May 18, 2009

Apparently this blog is reaching more and more people.  Word is getting out as to what we are up to.  That’s OK.  Actually better than OK!  I started this blog for me.  As a confidence booster.  I’m not the type that does well keeping things bottled up and worrying about what others think.  With each post, my confidence is magnified.  Also, I do not want to be quiet like a lot of UCer’s are (rightfully so).  I want to speak up and let others know that this is a choice.  I want people to know that women do have unassisted births and that it may not seem ‘normal’, but it actually is!

Everyone chooses the type of birth they want to have for different reasons.  This goes for an unassisted pregnancy and birth as well.  Even in the scope of UCer’s we all do it different.  Some couples choose to have care for their pregnancy, then have an unassisted birth.  Others, like myself, choose an unassisted pregnancy and birth.  I’m going to shed a little light on why my husband and I have made this choice for our current pregnancy and upcoming childbirth.

*This is me in labor for my last birth.  Having contractions in between pushing my other sweet children on the swing set in the backyard.

With my last few births, we hired midwives.  Without getting into long drawn out details of each situation, I will clump the experiences together a bit.  Basically, I do not feel we have ever chosen a care provider that has given us the care and support we felt we needed and deserved.

I am not anti-doctor or anti-midwife.  I am not here to say my way is the only way.  Basically, our journey has brought us here.  With my last experience, we were planning a VBA2C (vaginal birth after 2 cesareans).  We found a midwife who respected our wishes.  Unfortunately, when it came down to it she still had her own fears.  Those fears interfered with her giving us care, literally.  She “dropped me” at 42 weeks.

We had enjoyed a very hands of prenatal type of care with her.  When she dropped me, it put me in a bad situation.  I couldn’t just hire any midwife at this point.  There were liability issues involved (that’s a whole other post).  So, it was either an unassisted birth or go to a CNM that delivers at a hospital and lose my home birth.  I didn’t know what to do.  I was not mentally or physically prepared for an unassisted birth.  I knew about it as an option, but did not feel comfortable with it (which is why I hired a midwife!).

So, I saw the CNM.  I labored at home for 48 hours and without getting into a whole birth story, I went to the hospital when I knew I needed to.  I had my VBA2C, but the overall experience was disappointing.  My home birth and hospital midwife BOTH let their fears get in the way of giving me the support and care I needed.

Fast forward almost a year and we find out we are pregnant again.  What are we going to do this time?  I didn’t want to plan any birth, truth be told!  It was Brandon who decided.  He came home from a meeting at school.  It was given by a chiropractor who had 4 unassisted births and 2 midwife assisted births.  Brandon got in the car and said, “We are having an unassisted birth!”.  I replied with an “OK” as I tried to wrap my mind around it.  He was the rock in this decision.  How lucky am I to have such an awesome husband.  He has not looked back once!

The next question that came up was what about the pregnancy?  Do we hire a midwife or an OB for prenatal care ‘just in case’?  Do we tell them of our plans?  Do we lie and then not call for the birth and say ‘it went too fast’? Neither one of us was comfortable about lying, so that wasn’t an option.

Every time I thought about going to see someone for a prenatal appointment it turned my stomach and stressed me out.  It just did not feel right.  When I thought about having an unassisted pregnancy I had a feeling of peace overcome me.  We decided an unassisted pregnancy was right for us.  Heck, I’ve had 4 pregnancies in 5 years!  I’ve had all the tests, I know what to look for and I am very self educated.

I knew I had some work to do mentally if I was going to have an unassisted birth.  I started reading and reading and reading.  Books, websites, forums, you name it!  I worked through my fears.  I have to say it’s a relief not to have to worry about anyone else bringing their fears into my birth when I’ve worked so hard to get rid of mine!

I have read up on how to get a birth certificate for an unassisted birth, how to check the baby’s blood type (I am Rh-, so Rhogam is something I have to consider), how to clamp the cord, what to do in the case of a breech birth, shoulder dystocia, what do do in case of tearing, how much blood is normal and how much is too much and what to do in that situation, etc.  I am not going into this blind. I am also not going into this trying to be a midwife. I am preparing to give birth as a responsible, educated parent. I am actually probably taking more responsibility and educating myself on a higher level than I would if I had care with a doctor or midwife!  We are also taking a neonatal resuscitation class this week, which I am looking forward to. Brandon is with me on all of this, learning by my side.

That brings me to another reason I will share.  We want a healing, intimate birth.  We have a lot of birth trauma from our past two births.  Brandon and I have grown as a couple in ways we never would have by choosing to be on this journey together.  Having an unassisted pregnancy and planning and unassisted birth has brought us closer in amazing ways.  We are confident in each other, supportive and excited about this upcoming birth.  I know we will be closer than ever before after this little one joins us.

I also want to say this.  I don’t know if we are going to have more children. If we do, I can not say that I would chose an unassisted pregnancy and birth again.  This is what is right for us this time. However, we may be somewhere else on our journey and each pregnancy and birth is different.  Like I said, I am not anti-midwife.  I just haven’t found the right one for me.  If I had met a midwife that said, “Awesome!  I think UC’s are great.  I totally support that”, I would have hired her on the spot. I have yet to meet a midwife like that where we live.  I know they exist, I just do not live by one.  You see, if a midwife trusted birth and a mama enough to support unassisted birth, then I know she would truly support me, respect my wishes and not bring fears into my pregnancy and birth!

One last thing.  I don’t know how this is all going to turn out.  I am very in tune and extremely prayerful about it.  I will listen to any answers the Lord gives me, even if they are answers I don’t want to hear (learned that with my last baby).  I feel great about things and there are no worries at the moment.  Right now I am feeling anxious about getting things in order.  I don’t feel I will go post dates this time.  I am wanting to get all my supplies and CPR class done this week!  I am at peace about having an unassisted birth, but still think, “Wow, we are really doing this!”  I don’t consider myself brave or special. This is just where our journey has led us.

OK and for those of you who know me in real life.  If you are reading this I want you to know that it is OK to talk to me about my unassisted pregnancy and birth.  Really, I won’t bite your head off!  It’s not like it’s a big secret anymore.   If you have something positive to say, are just curious or even have a concern you want to talk to me about, I am open!

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