Being Right: It Won’t Make You Popular
Posted on January 10th, 2008 by Brandon Harshe
My last post really garnered quite a response from one particular reader. I made some statements about some things that this reader didn’t agree with or felt that I was wrong about and let me know. I responded that this reader was the wrong one, and this began a chain reaction of back-and-forth nitpicking. It was getting to the point where we started sniveling about how each person worded something in particular or what they really meant or blah, blah, blah.
I finally realized that we were both attempting to be right, and that proving the other person wrong wasn’t going to endear us to one another.
I recently read How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie. One of the cardinal sins mentioned in that book is trying to prove you’re right. No one wants to be around someone that always wants to be right. When you have to prove that your stance on a certain issue is the right one, all that does is make the other person defensive. And trying to get anywhere with a person already on the defense is a tough task.
Chuck Gallozzi said it perfectly in his article Being Right:
"There are many reasons to give up our addiction to being ‘right.’ First, consider what we are doing when we make pronouncements that you are either for me or against me, or that it’s my way or the highway, or that I’m ‘right ’ and you’re ‘wrong.’ Aren’t we being arrogant, combative, self-righteous, presumptuous, judgmental, narrow-minded, and alienating? Aren’t such attitudes divisive and dysfunctional? Don’t they disrupt harmony and peace and lead to conflict and suffering?"
We all want to be right at some point or another. I would say it’s one of my worst traits. Just ask January. She will gladly tell you how annoying I can be sometimes. Heck, it even annoys me at times… like with the example I gave at the beginning.
What does being right have to do with a blog about health and losing weight? When you are focused on getting healthier and/or losing weight, it’s good to have a support system you can count on to assist you through the difficult times. If you are someone who needs to be right all the time, your support will quickly dwindle because people don’t want to be around someone they always have to be on the defensive with.
In the long run, does it really matter if I think MSG is dangerous and you don’t? Or if I co-sleep with my kids and you don’t? Or if I you vaccinate your kids, but I don’t? Or if you enjoy smoking, but I can’t even stand a whiff of that stuff?
Perception may be everything, but only you can perceive things the way you do. We each have our own life experiences that lead us to the beliefs we have. Tearing someone down from their beliefs only to prop yourself up with correct facts is no way to be. That is, unless you want to be lonely.
I truly believe that’s something we can all take to heart.
Me included.
Popularity: 11% [?]
If you enjoyed this post, make sure you subscribe to my RSS feed!
Related Posts
- It Will Actually Take Longer If You Rush
- The Power of Water
- Accomplishments of the Day
- Goals: Why They Are So Important In Regards To Health
- Perception Alteration vs Plain Old Will Power
January 10th, 2008 at 10:52 am
Thanks Brandon I think I needed that today. You are right on this one. We all gain different knowledge at different times in our lives. I also like being right but the truth is I am definitely not always right in fact most of the time probably. Thank you for the insight, it has motivated me to try harder to be more understanding.
January 10th, 2008 at 12:02 pm
Staci: Hey, no problem. I think what the real problem is that we “reds” are just misunderstood. Right? LOL!
January 10th, 2008 at 2:22 pm
Hi Staci,
I got to the link on your blog from the Veggie Boards raw food board (just browsing). I just wanted to respond to your post.
You are so right about this issue of being right and thank you for the thoughtful post and the quote. I wish I could send it to my dad but he would never understand it. He’s 64 years old and all his life he has been convinced he is right about everything. Not only is anyone who doesn’t agree with him wrong but they’re an idiot as well.
Unfortunately, I know I learned by observing as a kid to be inclined to try and argue my point. However, thank goodness I was blessed with a mother who is much more balanced and wise and I try to follow her example. Her philosophy is that if you keep trying to justify your position without listening to the other side, you’re closing yourself off for change. She’s always open to hearing the other side and always changing. As a result, I really love and admire her, but I tolerate my dad, mainly because I know he’s not a bad person inside (just stubborn and egotistical and, damn it, always has to be right!)
Thank you again for the thoughtful post.
Tam
January 10th, 2008 at 2:38 pm
Hi Tam, By the way, my name is January (Staci is a friend of mine who comments here) and the post was written by Brandon, my husband. Thank you very much for commenting! It’s amazing how caught up people get in needing to be right or prove a point. My husband feels the need to be heard and to prove his point no matter what! In the end it doesn’t really matter. Sorry about your dad, but you know, it’s never too late! It’s nice that you have a mom to be an example for you. I’m sure Brandon might want to respond as well. Have a great day, keep reading and commenting…we’d love to hear more from you! January
January 10th, 2008 at 2:44 pm
Thanks for stopping by Tam. Looks like your mom helped you out in regards to this topic.
Oh, by the way, thanks a lot January!
January 10th, 2008 at 10:44 pm
Wow, I got credit for something Brandon wrote. Lucky me!!! Anyways keep up the wonderful blog Brandon and January.
January 12th, 2008 at 4:03 pm
Staci, you deserve credit! Your are awesome! Oh, no problem honey. I just wanted to support your post!
January 14th, 2008 at 6:52 am
[…] 14, 2008 – 9:52 pm | by eesc Interesting post at that of course is correct / right. Being right won’t make you popular. Hmmm… somehow yes I know that. I try to find the truth and am satisfied by it I want to […]
January 16th, 2008 at 10:51 pm
January 16th, 2008 at 10:52 pm
We, the public demand an apology right now for these preachings of evil piracy! How dare you!
I am notifying the authorities about this!
January 17th, 2008 at 8:35 am
Lee: What are you talking about?
January 21st, 2008 at 10:21 pm
My daughter and I used to argue a lot when she was a teenager. My dad thought he was always right about everything. Unfortunately having the last word in an argument is something I learned from him and passed on to my daughter. How much do we actually pass on to our children just being a role model? Too much. One day I realized what we were both doing and decided that I didn’t have to have the last word. She noticed after about 2 times. Then we discussed the situation calmly and had to laugh at what we had both been doing. My daughter is 30 years old and we don’t argue as much as we did when she was a teenager.
January 22nd, 2008 at 12:13 pm
Patricia: Thanks for sharing your experience. I can never be reminded enough how much being right is not important.
January 24th, 2008 at 1:58 pm
[…] that your attachments are a source of all your problems. You can be attached to things, people, the need to be right, to win, etc. By being open minded you can resist these attachments and have inner peace and […]